So I had a session with my coach yesterday, and boy let me tell you, where I thought I was making progress, I was sent back to where I was when we first started working together. God bless Alyssa, her patience will be rewarded!!!! I realize that the "people pleasing...being perfect...doing the right thing" part of my personality controls a lot of what I do. Thank you Alyssa for helping me to understand that.
I was reading over some old journals this morning and I came across something I wrote over 15 years ago. It was a period in my life when I didn't know if my dream and goals would ever come to pass...kind like where I am today. Here it is...
"For sometime I walked the valley, content, yet searching. I knew somehow, someday my search would end, not by my own hand, buy by Him who leads me. On the horizon I saw a mountain, unsure if I wanted to take on the climb I stood at it's foot looking at the steep and narrow path. Compelled by faith and obedience I began to climb. I slipped at times and even fell at times, but I picked myself up and pressed on. My natural desire was to stop, quit, go back down the mountain. A constant yet soft and gently voice continually urged "have faith, continue, trust in Me for - ""For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you, not to harm you"" (Jeremiah 29:11). Holding on to His promise I surrendered over to Him completely, my climb was not my own. Weary, tired and a little discouraged I reached the top, only to find I must now go down the other side. Though the path before me was now wide, as though it had been traveled many times over, it was still very steep. Fear began to grip my heart. Could I walk this road without falling, without stumbling? Again, I was unsure. Down I went, slowly at first. I began to feel my pace quicken as I continued my descent. I could feel myself losing my balance as I tried to keep my eyes on my feet and the path before me. Suddenly I realized I must not look down but up. As I began to raise my eyes and not dwell on the path before me a song began to swell in my spirit. Rejoicing I lifted my hands and giving glory to God Almighty, with all of my heart, my soul, my mind, and my body I no longer worried about falling or stumbling; as long as I kept my focus on Him! Filled with the spirit of God and surrounded in His awesome glory and grace I could see what my entire journey was leading towards. Though my travel has been long and difficult, my reward at the end is worth it all. I've realized I'm still on the wide and steep path; however, my eyes are on my Lord and I know what I am walking towards. Yes there are times when I still lose my balance and begin to feel awkward, but at those times I remind myself of my focal point. My God is faithful, as I surrender and allow Him to guide, lead, and rule my life, He will do for my good all He has planned to.
