My Mountain To Climb

So I had a session with my coach yesterday, and boy let me tell you, where I thought I was making progress, I was sent back to where I was when we first started working together. God bless Alyssa, her patience will be rewarded!!!! I realize that the "people pleasing...being perfect...doing the right thing" part of my personality controls a lot of what I do. Thank you Alyssa for helping me to understand that.
I was reading over some old journals this morning and I came across something I wrote over 15 years ago. It was a period in my life when I didn't know if my dream and goals would ever come to pass...kind like where I am today. Here it is...

"For sometime I walked the valley, content, yet searching. I knew somehow, someday my search would end, not by my own hand, buy by Him who leads me. On the horizon I saw a mountain, unsure if I wanted to take on the climb I stood at it's foot looking at the steep and narrow path. Compelled by faith and obedience I began to climb. I slipped at times and even fell at times, but I picked myself up and pressed on. My natural desire was to stop, quit, go back down the mountain. A constant yet soft and gently voice continually urged "have faith, continue, trust in Me for - ""For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you, not to harm you"" (Jeremiah 29:11). Holding on to His promise I surrendered over to Him completely, my climb was not my own. Weary, tired and a little discouraged I reached the top, only to find I must now go down the other side. Though the path before me was now wide, as though it had been traveled many times over, it was still very steep. Fear began to grip my heart. Could I walk this road without falling, without stumbling? Again, I was unsure. Down I went, slowly at first. I began to feel my pace quicken as I continued my descent. I could feel myself losing my balance as I tried to keep my eyes on my feet and the path before me. Suddenly I realized I must not look down but up. As I began to raise my eyes and not dwell on the path before me a song began to swell in my spirit. Rejoicing I lifted my hands and giving glory to God Almighty, with all of my heart, my soul, my mind, and my body I no longer worried about falling or stumbling; as long as I kept my focus on Him! Filled with the spirit of God and surrounded in His awesome glory and grace I could see what my entire journey was leading towards. Though my travel has been long and difficult, my reward at the end is worth it all. I've realized I'm still on the wide and steep path; however, my eyes are on my Lord and I know what I am walking towards. Yes there are times when I still lose my balance and begin to feel awkward, but at those times I remind myself of my focal point. My God is faithful, as I surrender and allow Him to guide, lead, and rule my life, He will do for my good all He has planned to.

Much better, Thank you

Over the past few days I had been suffering with a really bad cold. The coughing, sneezing, congestion, head and body aches, ugh!!! I'm not a pill-popping, medicine-taking person, I hate taking any kind of medication, I'd rather tough it out cold-turkey. Cold and flu medicines are the worst for me, my body just does not respond well. It takes a long time for the medicine to leave my system and I am in a loopy, lethargic state for a good 24 to 36 hours. I guess this is the control-freak in me, I want to feel better but I don't want to depend on anything to make, or try to make me feel better.

Well, not this time, after suffering for 2 days, I finally surrendered and took to NyQuil pills so that I could get some relief from my congestion coughing and get some rest. I guess surrending control is not so bad...sometimes.

I am a writer...

I put pen to paper, fingers to keyboard, voice to recorder. I share my thoughts, my experience, voice my concerns, speak my mind. I use words to encourage, to minister, to guide, to acknowledge, but I also use them to warn, reprimand, scold and to fight.

My skill is ever changing and there is always a learning curve, but that is what I love about it. The challenge is knowing exactly what to say and who to say it to, but once achieved the sense of accomplishment is beyond description.

Confirmation

Okay, if I haven't mentioned it before, I'm working with a life coach, Alyssa Gregory. Over the past 3 weeks she has really helped me "see" things. At our last conversation we got in depths about my "fears". Which is weird cause I pride myself in being a "take the bull by the horns" type person. Obviously not true. So what was "revealed" is that when I think of something I want I allow negative thoughts to feed my fear of failure. This is really tough for me to admit, cause I can be the world's biggest cheerleader for everyone else but me, because when I see me I see a fraud, how sad, right?!

After my coaching session my assignment is to write in my blog the things that I want, the things that will fulfill me, my dreams and only focus on the positive, no negatives allowed, thus my post yesterday. Hey, I'm trying here!

Apparently, God is also trying to get my attention in this area, because one of the devotionals I e-scribe to, In Touch with Dr. Charles Stanley (www.intouch.org), actually touched on this. The devotional focused on the Israelites and their commission to possess the land of Canaan. Now God had promised this land to the Israelites years before they even arrived there, so it was already a given. However, when they received word that the land was occupied by "giants", they allowed their fear to keep them from receiving God's promise. It took one man, Caleb, to step out in faith because he focused on the bigger picture (God's promise) and not the obstacles (giants) that were before him.

Hello!!!!! Am I listening?!

God has great things for me, He wants me to step out in faith. Maybe I don't exactly know what to do, but I need to do something.

I talked with Alyssa about starting a transcription biz, just to bring in some income, so I'm starting there. Where it will go, I don't know, but I can find out one step at a time.

Another area, is this blog. Although it is for my eyes (and my coach) only, I am starting to feel really good about posting here and look I forward to doing it. Where this will go, I don't know either, but right now it's just moving forward...

Pressing on Toward the Goal
12Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me
Philippians 3:12 (New International Version)

When I close my eyes...

I see a strong, confident woman; she is articulate and commands the attention of those around her. With grace and compassion she imparts knowledge and wisdom to those who will listen, sharing her life experiences, joys and trials hoping to make a difference. Reaching out to those that most need to be filled with encouragement and lifted up with hope, she teaches, leads and guides; knowing that the smallest amount of faith and support can empower others towards great things. Her gift to touch the lives of others is given by God Almighty himself, and her purpose in this life is to share who He is, who we are to Him and how together all things are possible. When I close my eyes...